News of and Alien 5 and Prometheus 2 are upon the distant project waves as a continuation of the franchise. As I write this my washing machine is making a noise as though a thousand souls are trying to escape, ha, the meaning of life and when the annunaki turn out to be err… us.

Ancient aliens, A cigar shaped spaceship lifts to the clouds sometime long ago on Earth and leaves behind an albino bald man who drinks only the good stuff.

I had heard that quite a few people didn’t get this and that they just didn’t like it. It reminds me of when people didn’t receive blade runner too well or John Carpenters the thing. Main stream audiences don’t usually have the insight upon what they are watching at first and it sometimes has to rely on a cult following, for a while down the line, the real appreciation begins.

I have seen a number of Youtube clips/documentaries made by people who title the indie made info-reel as Prometheus explained. It’s a bit like watching the likes of flickpick channel on Youtube where the pumped up narrator of the show reviews Interstellar and got the main points of the narrative completely wrong; probably on purpose. ‘They travel through a black hole and…’ Let me just stop you there meat man! They go through a worm hole where they encounter a black hole for going through a black hole or entering its event horizon will only crush your vessel due to the immense gravity that is the collapsed star that used to be a hundred thousand times the size of earth is now the size of a full stop on this screen. Yes it’s what the physics guys think; nuts. Which is why when a guy enters the black hole and ends up on a book shelf I kind of lost the plot with interstellar. I’ll talk about that film some time. It’s bonzai to say the least.  But the flick pick guy is a funny all balls out kind of reviewer and does a better job than BBC’S film 2000 and whatever…15 now is it?

What then is so difficult about Prometheus or in fact what is it that people don’t like?

The first thing I found jarring and unavoidable was the technology. This was set before Alien and so how do they have holographic interfaces or head gear that allows the machine man David to watch the dreams of those in stasis? That’s the sort of thing you can use your imagination over and allows for a really geeky discussion. ‘Well the Nostramo was a commercial mining ship so they don’t get that flash stuff, they get ms doss instead’ ‘The battle ship the marines use in Aliens is military so they need tactile hard wearing tech, except the floors in the hanger bay. That grill mesh flooring just doesn’t get screwed down so don’t bother hiding there’

The movies main stem of characters shift in a number of ways across the original quadrilogy. From close knit labourers (not-cluding androids) to well trained marines, to rapist & murderer prisoners by the third and then back to black ops military and pirates. I guess after all that, we need to go back to scooby doo or another kind of horror that has strangers bunched together. This seems to have caused a great deal of negative response, yet I don’t really care about any of that in Prometheus. Sure they could have just made out that these people had months of training together like the astronaut’s of NASA do. I’m thinking this might have helped the crew of the Prometheus, the team to have a certain rapport in a crises. The Geologist gets lost regardless of his barking balls. The Captain takes the piss out of the stranded two men as they’re cut off from the ship for the night; but I’d do that so why not: then again I’ll never be a captain of anything other than my tv’s remote control, and even then only when the wife is out. The scientist boyfriend archaeologist takes his helmet off because the air is breathable. Didn’t he ever see war of the worlds where an alien race that brings humanity to it’s knees gets killed by the common cold? Either way he gets a blob of snot in his bubbly Cava and ends up becoming really ill then really burnt.

For me there is a lot more going on than the petty gripes. Everything I saw I kind of justified in my own mind as pretty smart. The crew are dysfunctional but probably because they’re on a ship run by a fascist corporation who treat them all like mushrooms (kept in the dark and fed on shit) forgive me if you know that one. This suggestion allows for there to be exposition. Guy Pierce gives his speech as a holograph and sets up the blurb for David as the Prodigal son. Charleze Theron in turn is suffering a narcissistic wound and off we go with the rest of the disposable flim flam. I was under no illusion that some of these characters if not most of the cast were like the red shirt wearing crew member on star trek, who were bound to die and you never got to know them; Good!

It allows for some humour coupled with the serious tone. Horror? Definitely fascinating. If the first movie Alien was hinting at the horror of child birth then Prometheus must have a fleeting hint at the fear of the penis and penetration. The biologist or zoologist or what ever he was had a pretty over the top infatuation with the mutated worm that when it closed its flaps over its face was pretty much a lethal albino dick. Down the throat it went in some homophobic deep throat gagging extravaganza. ‘Zoologists log star date yadda yadda smackedy smackedy. Travelled light years from earth, landed on a planet, went into a giant structure and into some really creepy caves. Got lost with a geologist even though he used his barking balls to map the place. Hunkered down in a really creepy room with silver vases and a giant statue of a human head and then got attacked by a giant penis and died’

How is Prometheus not one of the most loved science fictions of all time I have no idea. It goes back to the idea of deep vein invasive/penetration of the epidermis similar to the likes of the thing, while being a mystery to find out where we as a species might have come from; not that we need to believe that aliens dropped us off, modified us as slaved to dig for gold and what not. The danger of unprotected sex, the danger of trusting a mega corporation to fund your science/ exploration mission. What was it that was so difficult to understand?

Back to the main beats then. You find a painting on the wall of a cave, get funding to go to a star system to find the giant beings depicted in the ancient cave drawing and find an alien base filled to the brim with bio-weapons. A man wants to meet god and funds this project and completely ignores the fact that things are a bit off kilter. An android who can only be described as weird fails to tell his maker that the place he has come to seek salvation is all wrong. In fact, I haven’t seen a bunch of people, android included, quite as dysfunctional and unexpectedly funny. Perhaps it shouldn’t have been, yet it all made this film one of my top twenty of all time. Then again I did burst out laughing when I saw Marlon Brando in apocalypse now. Maybe Marlon in that film was an ancient engineer?

The whining about Prometheus was just astonishing ‘But how does she run around after having her stomach cut open and stapled up?’

‘Why doesn’t Theron just run to the left rather than straight on?’

Have you ever been in that situation? Have you ever been running from a donut shaped ship rolling after you while wearing a space suit going out of your mind. Indeed the film opened itself up to these kinds of comments because it lent itself to the helpless teens in the woods scenario too much perhaps. You know the kind of movie where you scream at the stupidity. In this film I think that the whole affair would send most of you out there into stupid mode. In fact half of all people leave their brains at the entrance door to the shopping centre/mall let alone when running from a bone ship that just got shot down. The lead protagonist Elizabeth Shaw who manages to abort a squid and staple her innards back in afterwards is the stock type badass. Determined, smart and pumped full of stims. I went with it all. It was all just hectic and good looking and interesting and funny too. When old man Weiland gets to meet the erm human/ancient engineer he only gets David to say a few words and bam, the bald headed Goliath bats him to death across the noggin with David’s plastic noggin that he just rips off without any indication that he’s upset. I cried with laughter at that bit.

Prometheun engineer human gets eaten by bigger squid vagina mouth and Elizabeth flies off into the cosmos with a broken android. End of story, apart for the birth of an alien that isn’t quite the alien we know yet. ‘But how does the squid thing grow so big without eating to gain such extra mass?’ Shut up! It’s magic!

I could nit pick at all sorts as lots of other people have. But I don’t and can only really come to the conclusion that people have slated the film because they’re not getting the themes behind it. The film is anarchy and all the better for it. Why should we know the inns and outs of a blue arse fly? The official stance on the movie was that it explored the realm of being God, becoming God or becoming worthy to do so. Was that theme in the title? Perhaps the films very philosophy is the paradox of destroying in order to create. A new canvass is needed to start a new masterpiece. It could be as simple as thinking that after world war two, Japan and Germany having been bombed to rubble got a new infrastructure that made them two of the greatest economies in the late 20th century. And that’s just one simple illustration of how the horror of destruction has an unexpected benefit.  The whole theology behind Prmoetheus made it for me personally. Would you really want to meet your creator and even if it wasn’t your creator, meeting something that isn’t of your own species, the only species on a world that could build, paint, create music, contrive, make up systems of economy and culture. If you met something equal you’d go into primate mode and begin making insurances to protect yourself; shit your pants basically no matter how welcoming you imagine yourself to be in that scenario. I know that sounds negative, but that’s what we would likely do as a collective. What am I saying here. I went off track! But you have to admit that finding your own kind right out in the depths of space and then for just one of them to bat you across the head with no warning must be trying to say something about human nature perhaps. ‘Alien Grey’s? They got nothing on homo sapiens man, they’re nasty crazy creatures!’

So every one is making and creating in their image and seeding the future with plastic or genetic code and then changing their minds for whatever reason. ‘what did we do wrong? ‘Elizabeth Shaw asks. I think in the first draft of the script it had something to do with killing off Jesus Christ’ No I don’t get that either. But your reading a blog from someone wanted to see Steven Segal fight a Predator. Then wanted to see aliens fight a Predator and was nearly happy with the three movies. Then I wanted to see the human giant engineers fight the predator. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be good if these ancient humans were just seeded on earth as a back up because of a war going on between the engineers and Predators. Or what if the lesser humans i,e, us were used to make aliens who were just dropped on the Predators as cannon fodder, except that the Predators like nothing more than hunting and fighting and were grateful for the challenge and and…I’m a child!

Having ancient ripped pale bald headed giant humans was a stroke of genius in my opinion. Clumsy enough to drop a cannister of death and kill themselves. Grumpy enough to smack an old man with an androids head. Genocidal enough to kill a planet and vengeful enough to chase a tiny woman with a horrible gash into the arms of whatever that was. I was pleased as punch with it all.

In the end Prometheus left enough unsaid to make it work. It didn’t spoon feed where it might have and kept the mystery of why creators of their own kind would want destroy to start anew. Let’s hope that the sequel has some interesting answers and some Predators and…never mind.

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